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Topic 16 of 113: SNL - Saturday Night Live

Sun, Jan 18, 1998 (21:33) | Paul Terry Walhus (terry)
My favorite show for years has been SNL. I'm an expert on this
show, especially the early years.
37 responses total.

 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 1 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sun, Jan 18, 1998 (21:36) * 11 lines 
 
Even though I'm a self professed SNL expert, there is something I would
like to know. There's a skit with these two guys, and they usually add
a third person who is the show's host where these guys go to the discos
and hit on chicks. They also play this song that goes

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me... baby don't hurt me... no more..."

What is this song and who sings it? The disco guys also being known
as the Roxbury guys. And why are they called the Roxbury guys. I'll
dig for the answer myself and see who comes up with the answer first.



 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 2 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Mon, Jan 19, 1998 (01:17) * 96 lines 
 
Found the answer on a net search:

What Is Love
By: Haddaway
Source: A Net Search
What is love
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
What is love
Yeah
Oh I don't know
why you're not fair
I give you my love
but you don't care
So what is right
and what is wrong
gimme a sign
What is love
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
What is love
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
uoh oh...
Oh I don't know
what can I do
what else can I say
it's up to you
I know we're one
just me and you
I can't go on
What is love ?...
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
What is love
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
uoh oh..
What is love
What is love
What is love
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
Don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
I want no other
No other love
This is your life
our time
When we are together
I need you forever
Is it love
What is love
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
What is love
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
uoh oh..
What is love
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
What is love ?...
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
what is love?!...


Are you overcome by the profundity of all this?




 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 3 of 37: Autumn Moore  (autumn) * Mon, Jan 19, 1998 (21:51) * 1 lines 
 
uoh oh yeah, baby!


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 4 of 37: Stacey Vura (stacey) * Thu, Jan 22, 1998 (17:02) * 2 lines 
 
uh..
you're hurtin' me


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 5 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sun, Nov 22, 1998 (09:26) * 31 lines 
 
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, Comedy Central (repeats)
Tu 11/17 11:00AM & Midnight - Jeff Daniels / Color Me
Badd (1991-'92) Johnny Carson Tribute; Making Copies;
Community College Bowl; 3:00PM - Justine Bateman /
Terrance Trent D'Arby (1987-'88) featuring: The 1988
Republican Debate
We 11/18 11:00AM & Midnight - Kirstie Alley / Tom Petty
and the Heartbreakers (1991-'92) featuring: Thomas
Hearings; Look Who's Talking Also;Coffee Talk; 3:00PM
Tom Hanks / Randy Travis (1987-'88) featuring: Barbara
Bush and Elizabeth Dole visit The Pat Stevens Show
Thu 11/19 11:00AM & Midnight - Christian Slater / Bonnie
Raitt (Halloween Show) (1991-'92) featuring: The
McLaughlin Group; Dysfunctional Family Feud; 3:00PM
Judge Reinhold / 10,000 Maniacs (1987-'88) featuring:
Pumping Up with Hanz & Franz; Church Chat
Fr 11/20 11:00AM & Midnight - Kiefer Sutherland / Skid
Row (1991-'92) The William Smith Jury Selection; The
Democratic Debates; Stuart Smalley ; 3:00PM Tom Hanks /
Keith Richards (1988-'89) featuring: Pumping Up; Jew,
Not a Jew; ABC '88 Campaign Update
Sa 11/21 11:00AM - Matthew Broderick / Sugar Cubes
(1988-'89) featuring: Dan Quayle Gets a Pep Talk
Su 11/22 11:00AM - Kevin Bacon / INXS (1990-'91) Desert
Storm press conference; Making Copies; The Dark Side
with Nat X
Mo 11/23 11:00AM & Midnight - Linda Hamilton / Mariah
Carey (1991-'92) featuring: Pat; Levis 3 Legged Jeans;
The Chris Farley Show; 3:00PM John Larroquette / Randy
Newman (1988-'89) featuring: Gay communist gun club



 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 6 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Fri, Jan 15, 1999 (09:32) * 19 lines 
 
Overheard from almanac@well.com:



Well, Debbie Matenopoulos has got to win some kind of Good Sport of the
Year award, at the very least...

Three days after her canning from "The View" was announced (with Barbara
Walters, who did the firing, doing the old "Debbie is leaving to pursue
other interests" euphemisms), Matenopoulos showed up to portray herself
in one of SNL's recurring series of sketches lampooning her former show (in
the
past, she has been rather savagely portrayed as a perky idiot in these
sketches, by Cameron Diaz, Sarah Michelle Gellar and, most memorably,
Claire
Danes). She did a pretty fine bit of self-parody in the sketch, too.

Darn It! I missed this show.



 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 7 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (10:29) * 11 lines 
 
There was an awesome SNL 25th year anniversery live show last night, the
clips from old shows really captured the essence of SNL through the
decades, and all the major cast members from every era showed up last
night. Folks you haven't seen for a while like Laraine Newman and Nora
Dunn. Billy Crystal was on a big roll with his roast of audence members.
The lost sketch tribute to Phil Hartman was incredible. It was touching
with Jan Hooks (http://www.janhooks.com) singing a tender farewell to
Phil. I made a tape and it's now the best tape Ihave in my huge
collection of tapes.




 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 8 of 37: Stacey Vura (stacey) * Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (10:30) * 2 lines 
 
*sigh*
somedays I rethink this no television business...


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 9 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (10:35) * 5 lines 
 
You can catch some of the comedy sketches via Realvideo at

http://www.snl25.com

It's a site they put together just for this show.


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 10 of 37: Stacey Vura (stacey) * Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (14:59) * 2 lines 
 
Woo Woo!
,


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 11 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (15:03) * 1 lines 
 
Also check outt he Spring's main page video right now.


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 12 of 37: John Burnett  (mrchips) * Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (15:04) * 11 lines 
 
Chevy Chase (in costume): (knock knock) "Candygram"

Jane Curtin: "I don't believe you."

Chase: "Flowers."

Curtin: "I didn't order flowers. Who are you?"

Chase: "Land Shark."

Curtin: "I don't believe you'd be that obvious." (opens door and gets devoured by the land shark...)


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 13 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (15:06) * 9 lines 
 
Then there the ohter one.

Land Shark: "I'm not a shark, I'm just a porpoise."

Well, ok then.






 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 14 of 37: John Burnett  (mrchips) * Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (15:08) * 1 lines 
 
Great bit...hard to believe that Chase was only on one season (17 shows). Lorne Michaels guessed "about 40" when reporters asked him (trick) question.


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 15 of 37: Amy Keene  (Irishprincess) * Mon, Sep 27, 1999 (17:00) * 1 lines 
 
I thought the tribute to Phil Hartman, the lost sketch with Jan Hooks, was very touching. I was getting a little choked up myself! It was, however, the only time that I stopped laughing!


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 16 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Tue, Sep 28, 1999 (10:14) * 13 lines 
 
It was touching that they showed that wonderful "Life is a Dream" black
and white Schiller film with Hartman and Jan Hooks. Hartman genius was
cut off from us by tragedy.

There are lots of critics blasting this show and telling us how lame it
is, but look at all the comedic genius that springs from it. Belluchi,
Bill Murray, Dana Carvey, Dan Akroid, the list is huge. And it's still
trucking after 25 years, gee, how many shows have they done. If they do
40 a year that's a thousand epissodes, and at ten sketches to a show, say,
that's about 10,000 comedy sketches.





 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 17 of 37: John Burnett  (mrchips) * Tue, Sep 28, 1999 (10:39) * 1 lines 
 
I think it was Eugene O'Neill (I could be wrong) who said, "Critics are like eunuchs. They know how it's done. They've seen it done before. But they can't do it themselves."


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 18 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (11:21) * 9 lines 
 
Both new SNL's this season have been stellar, especially the show with
Heather Graham. The opening skit where various cast members were taking
her aside to overcome her "nervousness" was classic. And the Airplane
skit with her envied the sexual exploits of the couple across the aisle
was great. The Hans and Franz Where Are They Now? bit was side splitting.
And the threesome skit with Heather was fine. Of course, how can a show
miss with Heather Graham? (maybe her name has an e on the end?)




 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 19 of 37: Amy Keene  (Irishprincess) * Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (12:01) * 1 lines 
 
I only saw a little bit of the Halloween show last night, but the "Goth Talk" skit was the best! That's always been one of my favorites!


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 20 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (12:56) * 7 lines 
 
Goth Talk is Chris Kattan and Molly Shannon is a crack up. They're doing
their Goth public access show from their garage. And their bubba brothers
keeps busting their bubble. They made him say "weis" .. you know the Bud
weis er bit with the lizards. They really bully the little Goth kids
while they try to do their show.

That was an oldies show.


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 21 of 37: Amy Keene  (Irishprincess) * Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (13:06) * 1 lines 
 
I like it because I used to be an aspiring Goth girl...now I'm studying Gothic literature in graduate school!


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 22 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (13:07) * 70 lines 
 

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, NBC

Sa 10/23 Norm MacDonald, Dr. Dre, featuring Snoop Dogg and Emeinem


SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, Comedy Central (reruns)

Mo 10/18

1 PM & 12:30 AM Roseanne Barr / Deee-Lite with Bootsy Collins &
The Rubber Band (1990-'91) Mr. Subliminal, MetroCard, Misery II, It's Pat!,
Happy Fun Ball, Comedy Killers, Victoria's Secrets

6 PM David Hyde Pierce /Live (1994-'95) Amazin' Laser, Tales Of Little Women, Scottish Soccer Hooligan
Weekly, Perspectives, Internet sex, Movie News

Tu 10/19

1 PM & 12:30 AM Alec Baldwin / Whitney Houston + EvanderHolyfield
(1990-'91) The McLaughlin Group, The Dancer, The Sinead O'Connor Awards, Cyrano de Bergerac, Lank Thompson's "I'm A Handsome Actor"

6 PM George Clooney / The Cranberries (1994-'95) Taxicab Confessions, "W.R. - Waiting
Room," Zagat's, Bruce McCulloch film "Snowbird"

We 10/20

1 PM Michael J. Fox / Black Crowes (1990-'91) Back From The
Future, America's Most Wanted, A. Whitney Brown, Daily Affirmation, Sting's
elevator fans

6 PM Fred Savage / Technotronic (1989-'90) Church Chat, The Pat
Stevens Show, Space Shuttle delays

Th 10/21

1 PM 12:30 AM Jeremy Irons / Fishbone + Razor Ruddock (1990-'91)
Pumping Up With Hans & Franz, McIntosh Jr., Makin' Copies, Wayne's World
Oscar picks, Sherlock Holmes Football Days- a Jennifer Meyer film

10 PM Anthony Edwards / Foo Fighters (1995-'96) Swabby, Grimaldi's nativity
scene, The Joe Pesci Show, Mary Katherine Gallagher, G-Dog, Spade in America,
Princess Di interview, The Hulk Hogan Talk Show!!!

Fr 10/22

1 PM & 11:30 PM George Wendt / Elvis Costello (1990-'91) Dennis Miller's
Last Show, Lil' General Fireworks, Mr. No-Depth Perception,
Super Fans, It's Pat!, The Carsenio Show, I'm Chillin', Burger Barn

6 PM Damon Wayans / Dionne Farris (1994-'95) Men On Film, Jeff Foxworthy,
Perspectives, "Cirque du Soleil", Christopher Walken for Skittles

10:30 PM Bill Murray / Sting (1992-'93) The WhipMaster, Frequent Flyer,
I'mChillin'

Sa 10/23

11 AM MC Hammer + Wednesday & Pugsley Addams (1991-'92) Michael Jackson
vs. host, Dick Clark's receptionist, Remembrances Of Love

4 PM Pamela Lee / Rollins Band + Tommy Lee (1996-'97) Spartan Spirits, Tiger
Woods Biography, Roxbury Guys, Ambiguously Gay Duo, Goat Boy, Oprah, Larry
King

6 PM Brendan Fraser / Bjork (1997-'98) Xena, The Delicious Dish, Go-Lords!, Collette Reardon's medication, Harry Caray, Courtney Love's Biography,
Mango, Shark Channel

8 PM Jason Alexander / Peter Gabriel (1992-'93) Clinton's Indecent Proposal, Woody Allen's fan club, "You Like-a Da juice"



 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 23 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (13:08) * 3 lines 
 
oops, slipped. Amy you *are* a goth girl! What is that like?




 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 24 of 37: Amy Keene  (Irishprincess) * Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (13:17) * 1 lines 
 
Well, when I was in junior high, it was cool to wear all black clothing, tons of black eye makeup (I still wear too much,) combat boots, and that kind of stuff. We listened to really strange music, avoided popular people, and gave ourselves pseudonyms (mine was Byron, who I am consequently going to write my thesis about!)


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 25 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (13:39) * 3 lines 
 
What's the character on SNL's name, Azrael or something like that?




 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 26 of 37: Amy Keene  (Irishprincess) * Sun, Oct 31, 1999 (22:57) * 1 lines 
 
Yup. And the girl is something Nightshade. The guy they threw in the pool was Baron Nocturnal.


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 27 of 37: terry (sprin5) * Wed, Mar 29, 2000 (04:03) * 3 lines 
 
Wow, did Irishprincess slide away. Who was that masked woamn?

The Heather Graham hosted SNL *still* stands out head and shoulders above all other shows this season, and they wisely re-ran it a couple of Saturdays ago.


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 28 of 37: Marcia  (MarciaH) * Wed, Mar 29, 2000 (15:34) * 1 lines 
 
Irishprincess communes with me on email when she has the time away from her thesis and graduate assistant teaching responsibilities. I shall tell her you miss her. You are not alone!


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 29 of 37: tvreviwer.com (sprin5) * Tue, Jan 23, 2001 (07:13) * 7 lines 
 
As noted on msn today:

Jan 22, 2001 — Say so long to Saturday Night Live's Molly Shannon. The performer, who has been on the show for seven years, says she is leaving, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Her last appearance is scheduled for Feb. 17.
Shannon's best-known SNL character is Mary Katherine Gallagher, the Catholic schoolgirl. She also did imitations of The View's Meredith Vieira and Monica Lewinsky.

Shannon will now turn her attention to film. While an SNL cast member, she shot Superstar, a film featuring Mary Katherine Gallagher, and starred opposite Jim Carrey in Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas. She also will be seen in the upcoming films Serendipity, Osmosis Jones and Wet Hot American Summer, according to the Reporter. —Christine Champagne, Gist TV Staff



 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 30 of 37: tvreviwer.com (sprin5) * Tue, Jan 23, 2001 (07:14) * 1 lines 
 
Good bye to another great SNL comedienne, in the tradition of Gild Radner, Jane Curtin, Jan Hooks (http://www.janhooks.com), and others. They're going to have to stretch to replace her.


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 31 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Mon, May 14, 2001 (00:17) * 4 lines 
 
The revelation (at least to me) that Maya Rudolphs mom was Minnie Riperton
was one of the most touching and tender moments ever on Saturday Night Live,
that was some great footage of Maya as a child with her mom and the special
rendition of Loving You was heart rending.


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 32 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sat, Aug 24, 2002 (11:00) * 80 lines 
 
http://snltranscripts.jt.org

Transcripts!



Other LInks

http://snltranscripts.jt.org

Transcripts!



Other LInks

href="http://www.deja.com/[LBURL=_LBHTwww.geocities.com_LBFSTelevisionCity_LBFS5004_LBFSsnl.html,LBT,ST_rn=md]/group/alt.tv.snl">alt.tv.snl:
Usenet newsgroup for open and sometimes heated discussions about "Saturday Night Live".

Annie's SNL Page:
"A Web site dedicated to the amazing fans of SNL"

Comedy Central On-Air Schedule:
type "Saturday Night Live" in the search box for a list of upcoming episodes.


The Horatio Sanz Laugh Shack
:


Fallon-Fey.com
:
Download every Weekened Update from the Fallon/Fey era.


The Jimmy Fallon Shrine
:


NBC's Official Saturday Night Live site
:

Planet Will:
Everything you need to know about Will Ferrell, from upcoming film projects to recurring characters.

The Rachel Dratch Hideout:
Rachel Dratch fan page.

SNL Headquarters:

The SNL Message Board:
SNL fan chat with Jordan Davidson.

Saturday Net:
features a complete Episode Guide, Cast Member Timeline, and weekly
Rerun Schedule.

Saturday-Night-Live.com:
features upcoming guests information and news tidbits.

Saturday Night Live Recurring Characters:
biographical information on SNL's recurring characters.

Saturday Night Live Special Edition

Saturday Night Live: The Classified Files: One of the fastest growing Saturday Night Live
sites on the net today.

Saturday Night Live: The Retrospective Archive

Saturday Night You:
where YOU get to write sketches you'd like to see on SNL.

Starshyne's Fab Beatles References:
includes a list of "SNL" Beatles references

Startribune.com:
Dennis Miller "Monday Night Football" article that mentions this site.







 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 33 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Fri, Feb 27, 2004 (13:37) * 36 lines 
 
COLIN FIRTH TO HOST NBC’S 'SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE' WITH MUSICAL GUEST
NORAH JONES ON MARCH 6
Published: February 26, 2004

NEW YORK -- February 26, 2004 -- Acclaimed English actor Colin Firth
takes the reins of the March 6 edition of "Saturday Night Live" with
multiple Grammy winner Norah Jones as musical guest.

A classically trained British theater actor and veteran of numerous
memorable television and film roles, Colin Firth makes his first
appearance on "SNL." Firth charmed audiences in the hit romantic
comedies "Love Actually" and "Bridget Jones Diary" and will soon be
seen in the much-anticipated sequel "The Edge of Reason" with Renee
Zellweger. Firth also is currently starring opposite Scarlett
Johansson in the critically praised "Girl With A Pearl Earring."
He'll next be seen in the psychological thriller "Trauma" which
debuted at this year's Sundance Film Festival.

Firth first broke out with his role as Mr. Darcy in the BBC
television adaptation of "Pride and Prejudice." Firth's other film
credits include: "What A Girl Wants" with Amanda Bynes, "The
Importance of Being Earnest," "Shakespeare in Love" and "The English
Patient." He was nominated for an Emmy for his work in the HBO film
"Conspiracy."

Hailed by Time as "the most natural singer of her generation," Norah
Jones makes her second SNL appearance, performing from her runaway
hit sophomore release "Feels Like Home." Since her first appearance
on SNL, the jazz-influenced pianist and vocalist has won a whopping
eight Grammy Awards for her acclaimed debut "Come Away With Me" as
well as the record going eight-times-platinum. While "Feels Like
Home" which Rolling Stone called in a four-star review "easygoing and
poignant" recently debuted at Number One on the Billboard chart,
selling a million records in its first week (the biggest debut since
N*Sync's 2001 "Celebrity"), her equally acclaimed debut remains in
the Top 20.


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 34 of 37: Monetye  (monetye) * Sun, Feb 29, 2004 (13:03) * 6 lines 
 
Latest:
Emissaries from the Edwards presidential delegation have just checked into a press conference declaring Bush to be a 'Columbia rug cartel.'

Mostly, this was in reference to his resume--needing to be swept under it.

Yawn.


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 35 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Fri, Feb 25, 2005 (20:33) * 140 lines 
 
Transcript of what may have been one of the funniest SNL skits ever.

Masterbrain

Reporter.....Nora Dunn
President Reagan.....Phil Hartman
William Casey.....Jon Lovitz
White House Aide.....Dennis Miller
Staffer #1.....A. Whitney Brown
Staffer #2.....Kevin Nealon
Jimmy Stewart.....Dana Carvey




[ open on exterior, White House ]

[ dissolve to interior, Oval Office, President Reagan being interviewed by a reporter ]

Reporter: And finally, Mr. President, about the Iran-Nicaraguan connection. Some may wonder which was worse: your knowing or your not knowing?

President Reagan: [ slow ] Well.. all I can say is.. I didn't know. And, well.. we're trying to find out what happened, because.. none of us know.

Reporter: Well, thank you, Mr. President.

President Reagan: [ shaking her hand ] Well.. I hope I've answered your questions as best I could.. given the very little I know. Goodbye, and God bless you. Thank you very much. [ she exits the Oval Office, as Reagan suddenly alters his personality to a take-charge attitude ] Okay, get back in here! [ his staffers enter the Oval Office from the adjacent room ] Alright, let's get down to business! I'm only going to go through this once, so it's essential that you pay attention! 1: Casey!

William Casey: Yes, Sir!

President Reagan: You'll spearhead our new operation to fund the Contras. The C-5As with the TOW missiles and the grenade launchers will leave for South Africa at 0800 hours! I want you to supervise the loading. 2: Regan!

Don Regan: Yes, Sir.

President Reagan: Well.. I'm afriad you're going to have to resign. But.. first you'll make a public statement supporting me, which I wrote myself. It's over there on the word processor, just key in and press 5. The code name is..? [ Regan shrugs his shoulders ] Oh, alright, I'll do it for you! Now, any questions? [ Casey raises his hand ] Yes.

William Casey: Mr. President, you're going so fast. There's still a lot about the Iran-Contra Affair I don't understand..

President Reagan: And you don't need to understand! I'm the President! Only I need to understand! Is that clear?

William Casey: Yes.

President Reagan: Alright. [ presses button to make art print on wall lower to reveal a multi-colored map of the world ] Carlucci, you're new, here's how we run things. The red countries are the countries we sell arms to. The green countries are the countries where we wash our money. The blue countries are..

White House Aide: [ entering ] Excuse me, Mr. President, Sir?

President Reagan: Yes?

White House Aide: It's your 11:30 photo opportunity - the little girl who sold the most Girl Scout cookies?

President Reagan: Damn! Okay, let's get it over with. Everybody out. [ staffers get up ] Come on, come on! Move! [ they exit ] This is the part of the job I hate! [ the Girl Scout enters, as Reagan alters back to his senile personality ] Well.. hello, little girl.. what's your name?

Girl Scout: Lisa Meyers.

President Reagan: Well, Lisa.. if you're that good a saleslady.. maybe I could use you up on Capitol Hill.. [ laughs ] Well, it was nice meeting you.

White House Aide: Come on, Lisa, come on.

Girl Scout: Bye.

President Reagan: Bye bye! [ Girl Scout exits Oval Office ] Okay, back to work! [ staff re-enters ] Afghanistan needs more money. We've got $65.2 million tucked away in Zurich. Now, if we hold it there for another 30 days, at 7.28% interest, that's.. roughly.. $400,000.

Staffer #1: [ with calculator ] $397,200..

President Reagan: .. and 85! I know! Don't waste my time! But.. if we take out only $20 million, we lose.. let's see, let's see.. that's..

Staffer #1: $121,800..

President Reagan: and 16! Thank you so much! [ intercom buzzes ] Yes?

Voice on Intercom: Mr. President? It's Mr. Kuran Hasaf Husad.

President Reagan: Alright, put him on the speaker.

Voice on Speaker: [ speaking in Arabic accent ]

President Reagan: [ Reagan responds in Arabic accent ]

Voice on Speaker: [ Arabic accent ]

President Reagan: [ Arabic accent ] Makka lanna ho, makka channy hey!

Voice on Speaker: [ laughing ] Makka channy ho! B'aska lim.

President Reagan: B'aska lim! [ hangs up ] Well, gentlemen, I just concluded a very lucrative deal with the Iraqis.

Staffer #2: Mr. President, it just occurred to me. What if something happens to you? You're the only one who knows what's going on.

President Reagan: [ angry ] And that's the way it's going to stay! To quote Montesquieu: "Power without knowledge is power lost!"

White House Aide: [ entering ] Mr. President, it's Jimmy Stewart.

President Reagan: Oh, Damn! Now?!

White House Aide: He says he's had an appoinment with you for two months now.

President Reagan: Oh, alright, alright.. let's get on with it. Everyone out. [ they exit, as Jimmy Stewart is shown in ] Hello, Jimmy.

[ they shake hands ]

Jimmy Stewart: Yeah, well, hi, Dutch! How are you? I'm sorry, Mr. President! You know, I'm having the hardest time getting used to that!

President Reagan: Well, we sure had great times back in Hollywood..

Jimmy Stewart: Aw, you can say that again, Dutch, we-we-we certainly did, yeah!

President Reagan: Well.. it was good seeing you, Jimmy.

Jimmy Stewart: Well, wha-wha-what are you talking about? I just got here, for crying out loud!

President Reagan: Well, I know, but.. uh, I have a.. well, a meeting.

Jimmy Stewart: Well, that's just great! That's just great! I'll just stick around, that's it, I'll just stick around, and it'll be wha-what? Educationl for me! Yeah!

President Reagan: Jimmy, I'm sorry, you can't stay.

Jimmy Stewart: Well, come on, Dutch..

President Reagan: Jimmy! Don't make me have to kill you!

Jimmy Stewart: Kill me? Wha-what? Kill me! Wha-wha.. since when is it a crime to visit your friend? I mean, what are you gonna do, have your Secret Service boys come in here and just blow me away? You've changed, Dutch, you've really changed!

President Reagan: Oh, Jimmy, please try to understand..

Jimmy Stewart: [ turns to leave ] For crying out loud! You've turned into a real jerk, you know that, you sonofa.. [ exits ]

President Reagan: Please, Jimmy.. okay, good! [ staff re-enters ] Alright, now listen. I want to discuss the cover-up. Here's my plan: the NSC Review Board. We'll buy Tower, bribe him, jsut flat out buy him! Now, we'll dose Muskie with mood-altering drugs! [ laughs ] By the time Muskie knows what day it is, the '88 elections will be over! [ continues to laugh ]

[ cut to a clock on the mantel, the hours speeding by rapidly ]

[ cut to close-up of Reagan behind his desk in great thought ]

President Reagan: ..so, if we channel the $72 million through Ivan Boesky, we'll have enough left over for Syria and South Ghana. Now, next point on the agenda is.. [ notices all the members of his staff asleep in their chairs ] Ed? Donald? Hello-o! Well, just me again.. great. Well, I've been doing it this way for six yers, why should I change now? [ checks his watch ] 3am.. [ dials phone ] The banks should be opening in Zurich right about now..

[ speaks German into phone as the scene pans out and ends ]








 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 36 of 37: Paul Terry Walhus (terry) * Sun, Nov 20, 2005 (16:51) * 22 lines 
 
Anyone catch Steve Jobs introducing three new ipods Saturday night?

Steve Jobs presents the iPod Invisa... on SNL

from engadget.com:

But according to a Saturday Night Live “special report” with “Steve Jobs”
of the mighty black turtleneck, we did miss two entire product lines that
are both already obsolete.

The iPod Micro was launched live and immediately displaced by the iPod
Pequeno (shown at right), holding one million songs in the size of your
thumbnail.

Before we could blink the Pequeno was trumped by the iPod Invisa, which
holds 8 million songs, “every photograph ever taken,” and is completely
invisible (and you thought watching video on your cellphone was cramped…).

We don’t even have to tell you that someone already tried to place an
online order for the Invisa from the Apple Store, right? Peep the vid

http://homepage.mac.com/ibook238/.Movies/SteveJobsSNL.mov


 Topic 16 of 113 [tv]: SNL - Saturday Night Live
 Response 37 of 37: Conf admin (cfadm) * Sat, Jul  1, 2006 (19:35) * 1 lines 
 
Anyone catch Al Gore on SNL recently. It was great. He opened the show from the fake oval office. Al is really having a sort of second coming. Look out!

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